COUPLES

GOLD OR GILD

Gurumurthy – Chennai

A man was once so pestered and threatened by his wife for a gold chain that he finally came home with one.

Unfortunately his mother was the first to receive him and snatched it away saying, ‘What a great gold chain my son has bought for me’

He went inside and saw his wife waiting for him with clenched fists.

‘Relax’, he told her, ‘That’s only gild; you think I am an idiot to buy a gold chain at this time of the month. See I’ve even got the bill’.

HEREDITARY DISEASE

Kavitha Kumari – Cochin

A couple had gone shopping, leaving their five-year-old son with their neighbor.

At lunch the kid refused to eat anything. The lady pleaded with the kid, then tried to force feed him, but the kid wouldn’t budge. She finally complained to her husband, ‘This kid doesn’t eat anything, and I don’t know when his parents would return’.

The husband seemed to have an easy solution, ‘That’s not a problem, just show him some gold jewels while feeding him’.

The wife soon seemed to scream in ecstasy, ‘Its working, he’s eating’.

‘Nothing great in it’, the husband remarked casually, ‘It’s a hereditary disease. They get mesmerized by gold and begin to obey you. I do the same to his father’.

GONE FOREVER

Shamsheer – Kollam

Two thick friends Ram, Shyam never hid anything from one another, but kept updating their respective wives on any information each got from the other.

One day Ram and Shyam went with their wives to buy jewelry. They bought an identical gold chain each for their wives.

A few days later Shyam told his wife, ‘You know Ram had pawned his wife’s chain’

Shyam’s wife met Ram’s wife in the market and asked her as if she didn’t know anything, ‘Hey where is your chain?’

Ram’s wife who did not want to look low said, ‘I’ve given it to my sister-in-law. I’ll be getting it back in the first week of the next month’.

A few weeks later, Ram got an opportunity to tell his wife, ‘Hey, poor Shyam has sold his wife’s chain. He wanted a big amount urgently and had no other way’.

One day the Rams invited the Shyams for tea and Ram’s wife asked Shyam’s wife as to what happened to her gold chain.

Mrs. Shyam thought for a minute and said, ‘I’ve given it to my sister-in-law. But I’ll never get it back’

A wave of sympathy filled the room, when she squeaked, ‘She has run away with her boyfriend’.

VALENTINE COUPLE

Baswati – Kolkotta

A television channel once planned a special Valentine day programme called, ‘Know your husband’. Several couples were invited for the competition. Each husband would be asked for a set of preferences and their respective wives would have to guess that.

 The first couple was brought on stage and the organizers asked his wife, ‘Can you tell your husband’s favorite color?’

‘Red’ she said

‘Correct, now if your husband takes you on an overseas tour, where would that be?’

‘Singapore’.

‘Sorry your husband prefers Australia’

The organizers brought the second couple on stage, and the wife was asked, ‘What is your husband’s favorite game?’

‘Cricket’

‘That’s right, now if you ask your husband to buy you a gold jewel, what would he buy you?’

The wife looked surprised and shocked. Forgetting the competition she asked, ‘My God, what did he tell you?; necklace, ring or bangles? In truth he would only show me his credit statements. Now what did he tell you?’

FRUITLESS EFFORTS

Joseph Sabu – Chennai

A housewife from New Delhi once happened to bring her kid to the market place. Just when they were finishing of, the lady found a gold chain lying on the ground. She picked it up and was happily examining it, when the kid screamed, ‘We’ve found a gold chain; anyone lost any?’.

In less than five minutes, the jewel changed hands.

The frustrated mother dragged her son home. Reaching home she told her husband, ‘You remember those days when our Dennis couldn’t speak. We’ve been dashing between doctors and churches for his speech’.

‘Yes, yes’, her husband replied, ‘So what now?’

‘Well today I had a feeling we shouldn’t have done that’

DECEIVING EYES

Brinda – Chennai

On a Valentine day, a young man suddenly discovered that his lover looked exceptionally beautiful that day.

‘Honey, you look more beautiful today, I’ve not seen you like this before’, he said.

‘Is it, can you guess why?’

He stared at her for a minute and said, ‘I give up; not able to guess anything. Your eyes deceive me’

‘Fine, now try my ears’

HOUSEHOLD ECONOMY

Sawant – Trichy

A couple had gone jewel hunting. The wife was more interested in the bangles section. The cost consultant husband discovered that two rings would cost lesser than a bangle. He decided to use his professional skills and reduce the purchase budget.

He told his wife, ‘Look darling, why don’t you buy two rings instead of a bangle. You see it is always better to have something on both hands rather just one hand’

His theory seemed to have the desired effect and his wife quickly fell in line, ‘Well okay if you want it that way, its fine. But I’ll take only bangles’.

RETURN TO THE PAST 

Brinda – Chennai

A man had left for the bank to deposit all his gold jewels with the bank’s safety locker. Very soon his wife got a phone call saying her hubby was kidnapped. She became mentally affected.

Fortunately after a week or so, the husband managed to escape from his captors and reach home to hear his wife yell, ‘Where is Santa Claus, I want him here’.

His relatives then explained to him that she got mentally affected ever since she got the telephone call.

Lovingly, he approached her, shook her and screamed, ‘What happened to you, darling, look at me! I am back and safe, look at me’.

The wife stared at him for sometime and slowly fainted. When she woke up later, she seemed to have fully recovered from her mental illness. ‘What happened to me and where have you been all these days?’ she asked.

Everyone became happy seeing her come back to normal. Happy to see his wife as before, he told her what happened, ‘They pulled me into a car, took me to a remote place about 200 miles south and snatched all our gold jewels. Three days later I gave the slip and here I am, only our gold is gone’.

She listened to his story and after sometime slowly rose to console him, ‘Don’t worry, Santa Claus would be coming now’.

SECRET LOVER

Sawant – Trichy

A corporation clerk once came home with a gold bangle in his shirt pocket. It took no time for his wife to discover the jewel. A week later his wife found a gold ring in his purse and the clerk told her that it was for her.

One day the wife happened to meet her old friend Ancy, who was presently divorced and living alone. Ancy told her that she was now going steady with another man and showed her the gold chain, he got for her.

The clerk’s wife looked pleased, ‘You are very lucky to have a good man at this time of your life’.

‘Yes’ Ancy replied, ‘But of late I’m not able to understand him — One day he tells me he bought a gold bangle for me and unfortunately walked into the devil’s den and had to oblige the devil; and another day he tells me that he bought a gold ring for me and a fat rat had smelt it, and he had to oblige the plumb rat’.

DREAM COME TRUE

Shirley Pauline – Calicut

On a Sunday morning Rodriguez woke up with much excitement to tell his wife, ‘Mary, you know I had a terrible dream yesterday. We were walking across a paddy field when a cobra bites me and I am dying. Suddenly a genie appears from nowhere and asks you to choose between me and a handful of gold. Without any hesitation you tell the genie that you want me and I am soon on my feet’.

‘Dreams are just dreams, darling; you’ve got to forget them as soon as you wake up’, Mary said.

‘You never know Mary; sometimes dreams do take shape in real life’.

‘You mean, this dream can come true and the genie ask me that question again?’.

GOLDEN ATTRACTION

Tamil Selvi – Madurai

A hard working couple from Mumbai decided to lay off their work for a week to attend a grand south Indian temple festival.

Being the first day of the festival, the temple and its vicinity were overcrowded, and the husband got separated from the wife. The husband looked everywhere around and finally decided to make a public announcement.

The announcement came, ‘Om Namo Narayana, Mrs. Parvathi Patnaik, please come to the announcers room immediately, your husband is waiting for you, Om Namo Narayana’.

There was no response and after fifteen minutes the announcement was repeated. Still there was no response.

The husband spelt out his apprehensions, ‘I am sure she is somewhere around and not alerted. If I don’t offend you, can you please change the message like this’. He then handed over a written message.

The announcers initially refused to accept. It was after much pleading that the announcers finally agreed and a new announcement came, ‘Gold, gold, gold.  Mrs. Parvathi Patnaik, please come to the announcers room, immediately. Your husband is waiting. Gold, gold, gold’.

Very soon the wife was at the announcer’s room charging the husband, ‘Why did it take so long for you to make an announcement’.