The influence of changing economy and society on family and married life continues to be a topic of concern for over half a century. In India, the subject of marital issues and conflict has been gaining predominance over the last decade and a half.
It is estimated that about two in five marriages fail in Mumbai, which is not far from the national average. The rising rate of divorce and the decline in quality of married life, in terms of intimacy levels among the married partners, is worrying researchers and social reformers.
Scholars and psychologically trained marital researchers worldwide have contributed to the literary development of marriage and marital issues.
Although current research on the subject has its share of disagreements, it has however emphasized on the need for a more scientific and rational understanding of the subject. Research has identified the factors that erode marital bliss, gradually transforming to disagreements and conflict.
The trend has several social implications as it involves lives of all dependents of the couple, like their children and parents living with them. Identification and evaluation of the parameters contributing to marital satisfaction and marital conflict are very important.
Even when there is no conflict or disagreements among the partners, lack of intimacy is a silent killer that can eventually harm, if not destroy relationships.
Marital happiness has also been found to be associated with several factors like household income, whether children are in the household, religious attitudes and traditional attitudes towards marriage.
The marital happiness interpreted by various factors, is subject to pattern type changes over time. Earlier work has established that happiness follows a U curve, decreasing during early-married life and increasing in the later years.
However other studies have showed that happiness declined at all measured periods. The marital life quality too was interpreted to be generally declining with time.
Among the innumerable factors leading to marital unhappiness and divorce, researchers have found some to be very difficult to change after marriage.
Situational factors like parents being divorced, having children from earlier marriage, being together before marriage, or having different religious backgrounds are some of the affecting factors that cannot be changed.
There are other factors that affect marriage, which can be changed if worked on it. These include not communicating properly; particularly during disagreements, confrontational attitudes like fighting and talking negatively, untrue perceptions about marriage.
Failing to see marriage as a long-term relationship and being attentive or be attracted to other people, are some of the other factors that can be overcome with efforts.
Emphasizing the importance of faith, to counter its loss among the partners can help salvage the marriage. Like most other things, sustaining a marriage also require effort and work. When love and faith cease to function between the partners, they are automatically drawn away from maintaining the relationship.
Similarly when attempts to improve marriage don’t work, such attempts are not taken further. Some partners believe if they don’t enter into a confrontation or conflict, it could help heal their relationship. Unfortunately, it requires work and effort to rekindle a relationship and refraining can only do more harm.
Couples have no need for intervention and awareness programs when they are happy. There is also no point of prevention program when the couples are immensely distressed since it’s too late.
Preventionists have identified important transition periods in life as the ideal time for their working with the couples. These include the transition period to marriage and transition period to parenthood. Couples are more likely to seek the services of a preventionist during these transition times.
Preventionists use several educational strategies to counter the negative symptoms of marital distress. They raise awareness among the partners with respect to certain negative patterns, cautioning them to put a check. When couples become aware of the factors putting them at risk of damaging their relationships, the effect of an intervention is achieved.
Researchers have often recognized the relationship maintenance mechanisms people adopt to sustain their married relationship. Communication specialists have noted desired actions by happy and content partners and certain behaviors have been identified as role models by social psychologists.
Partners, who want to sustain the relationship, think and act in ways different from those who do not care about their relationship. These relationship-oriented partners do not consider themselves as individuals but rather as a part of a team, a team that includes their partners too.
They acknowledge an overlap of their life with that of their partner’s. Their talk and actions would reflect more of ’we’, ‘us’ and ‘ours’ than ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘mine’. In such relationships, many actions of the partner are perceived in ways that suit the relationship. For instance a partner’s mistakes are not taken serious and any misconduct is thought of to be an unintentional action or a temporary and reasonable action. The very perception that their relationship is a special one and better than most other relationships, itself makes the relationship a strong one.
Satisfied partners are not lured by attractive rivals, because they are not attentive to alternatives. Contended partners do not consider the prospects of alternative relationships.
On the other hand, people who are not committed to their present relationship, pursue their options with curiosity and eagerness.
They are constantly in the lookout for better partners. People committed to a relationship are very willing to make personal sacrifices like doing things they don’t prefer doing; for the sake of their partners or their relationship. For instance watching an uninterested movie for the sake of your partner, go a long way in strengthening relationships.
It is very important for people to help their partners achieve their aspirations, to help them become what they want to be. Partners need to support one another in their pursuit of skill developments, self growth and acceptance of new roles and responsibilities.
Studies have showed that marital conflict could lead to increased depression and impair normal health condition. Among the middle aged and older adults such marital conflict was seen as a major risk factor affecting their psychological and physical health.
Marital relationship has an important bearing on the health state of adults. Married people were seen to experience better health and longer life compared to single people.
This is mainly because marriages can provide greater emotional and social support, give a meaning and purpose to their lives, which in turn contribute to physical well being. High levels of marital conflict lowers life satisfaction levels or produces depression, leading to decline in mental health. The link between physical health and marital quality is more relevant among the younger people while its effect on mental health is more prominent in older people. Marital conflict also has a direct bearing on the healthy development of children in the household. Conflict in the family and violence contributes to the development of Expressive Language Disorder in children.
A considerably big percentage of married and apparently stable couples are actually chronic distressed couples. People should rededicate themselves to marriage and family life, be more willing to share, sacrifice and accommodate each other.
This is very essential for the well being of the future generation, if not for the couple themselves. The need for successful marriage and family life in the society, is more felt today than at any point of time, earlier.
Unfortunately despite the vast understanding on the subject, the road to change is very difficult today. The road ahead for improving marriages and family lives is uncertain; however hope exists.
