THE BRAIN BEHIND
Charumathi – Mumbai
A South African gold mine owner brought his son to the Mumbai based Trivedi Hospitals for a cardiac surgery. The surgery was successful and his son discharged within a week. As a mark of gratitude, the overwhelmed father presented a golden heart to the cardio surgeon who performed the surgery.
A few months later the mine owner had to bring his brother to the same hospital for a brain tumor removal. The operation and subsequent recovery being successful, they started packing up, after a week or so. The mine owner paid a courtesy call on the neurosurgeon who had operated his brother.
The neurosurgeon only seemed to be expecting him, when he said, ‘It was a very difficult surgery you know; now your brother is absolutely perfect. By the way would you like to know the average size and shape of the human brain?’
TEA Vs. LUNCH
Farheen – Hyderabad
Rajesh had just landed at the Mumbai airport from Dubai. His luggage was under scrutiny with the customs. The customs officer felt his baggage and suddenly gave a shocking stare at Rajesh.
Rajesh understood that the officer had felt his hidden gold biscuits. He knew that if the officer says anything, the matter would become public, and therefore had to act immediately. He considered sharing the booty, if the officer was willing to.
‘Yes sir, I have some vanilla flavored cream wafers in that bag. Maybe you can take some for tea and give me the rest’.
‘Fine’, the officer smiled, ‘I’ll check up with my colleague’
A few minutes later, the officer came back and told Rajesh, ‘Sorry sir, but my colleague here is very hungry. If you wouldn’t mind, he would like to have everything for lunch’.
MYSTERIOUS DUO
Kalpana – Mysore
A night patrol police team once caught a man with a briefcase full of gold biscuits. He immediately confessed that he was a carrier and that the consignment was for someone he did not know.
‘I was instructed to reach the Central Railway Station and wait’, he told the police.
The police then questioned him about the identity of the sender.
‘Well two men from Hotel New Park had given it to me and asked me to do this for a thousand rupees’.
‘Will you be able to identify them?’
‘Of course yes’
The police took him to the hotel and showed him through each room, but his senders weren’t there. They then took him to the lobby and he shot back immediately, ‘The two aren’t here either, you won’t believe the kind of people who gave me this briefcase’.
The frustrated police inspector pulled him up by his collar and said, ‘Must have been the prime minister and the president, isn’t it?’
‘Well no, it was only a sheikh and an eskimo’
INFORMATION AGE
Gurumurthy – Chennai
A pawn broker Natwarlal’s residence was raided by the income tax officials, who turned his house upside down looking for hidden gold.
When they finally found nothing, the chief officer told Natwarlal, ‘Well, we’ve done our job and sorry if we have troubled you; we seem to have had some wrong information’
‘It’s alright sir’ Natwarlal told the chief officer, ‘This is the information age and believe me, true and reliable information is really expensive’
OVERDRUNK BUT STEADY
Ashwin – Chennai
Two hefty men in their late fifties had spent over three hours drinking in the country liquor bar. One looked a bit sober while the other was totally blown.
Seeing his inebriated condition, the comparatively sober man tried to stop him, ‘That’s enough buddy, you’ve hit the brim, call it a day’
‘I’m sheady, always sheady. You’re drunk. Pack off now’, the other struggled and said, trying to keep himself attached to his chair.
‘You say I’m drunk?. Look at me then’, the sober one challenged, got up, lit a cigarette gracefully, traced a few steps up and down and sat back comfortably, ‘Tell me now, do I look over drunk?’
‘Thash fine, but can you climb up that ladder and bring me a coconut from that thriee?’
‘That’s very risky. But what will you give me if I do it?’
The sagging man stretched all his fingers and said, ‘I’ll give you both theesh gold rings’.
The sober man agreed, went up the ladder, reached the treetop and brought down a coconut. He threw the coconut before the over drunk man and said proudly, ‘Here’s your coconut and never bet me again. By the way, what did we bet on?’
The drunken guy managed to keep his eyes half open and said, ‘I promised to buy you a drink’
The sober man shrugged confidently and said, ‘Stop acting smart buddy. You can’t fool me. You said two’
THE GOLD EXPLORER
Rajesh Kumar – Bangalore
A retired geology professor from the Indian Institute of Technology invented what he called the ‘Gold Explorer’. The machine when moved over land detected gold deposits in the soil. The man and machine duo underwent several tests successfully. The National Mineral Corporation called him for a very urgent gold reserve identification project.
He politely refused them saying, ‘You see, my wife wants me to join her on a South African tour. This is the first time she is taking me in all the thirty years of our married life’.
The Corporation soon sent word ‘Can you at least spare your Gold Explorer?’
‘Sorry again’ he replied ‘That’s the only luggage she wants me to carry’.
THE HONEST WASHERMAN
Gopinath – Chennai
The village laundry man on a usual workday found a gold ring in one of the shirt pockets of a customer. Honest as he was, he set off immediately to return it. He rang the doorbell admiring the two-wheeler, as he waited.
It took sometime before his customer sprang up charging him, ‘You people hang around on some pretext or other, make a note of the things here and look for an opportunity to pick them’.
The poor laundry man became very disappointed and soon changed his mind, ‘Sir, do you have a gold ring with a red stone in it?’
‘Yes, but why, how did you know?’ the owner struggled.
‘Just a guess, tell me; do you believe in witchcraft?’
‘Yes of course’
‘Then listen, from this very moment, that ring shall disappear forever’.
LEARN FROM DAD
Bala Kumaran – Bangalore
A man was once returning from market with his twelve year old son, when his son saw a gold jewel lying on the road.
‘Dad look here, its gold’, he said and immediately bent to pick it.
His father pulled him up by his hair, ‘Idiot, when you suspect such things lying down, never stare at it or pick it up immediately, understand?’
‘Sorry dad, I won’t do it again’, the son cried.
‘Fine so first see if anyone is watching you’.
BURIED TREASURE
Bala Kumaran – Bangalore
The metropolitan public works department was involved in a new road-laying project at the suburbs of the city. The chief engineer on a surprise visit saw the civil supervisor digging up a portion of the freshly laid road.
‘What the hell are you doing?’
‘Sir, can you see the lady over there, well it seems she lost her gold ring at this spot yesterday’.
‘We are not responsible for her gold ring. Looking for her gold ring is not our job. I’ll like to meet her when she comes here the next time’.
‘Not necessary sir, I’ve already told her that. She won’t step here again with that story’.
WE ARE JEEVATHMAS
Shanthi Ravindran – Bhopal
One particular south Indian swamiji was blessing his disciples who brought him small gifts and fruits, when a middle aged lady dashed in with a handful of gold jewels. The surprised swamiji looked hesitant, ‘But gold, gold, no, no—’, he said.
The swamiji’s assistant soon rushed to his rescue, ‘Please take back your gold. Presentation of gold is not allowed’.
By now, the swamiji seemed to have made up his mind, ‘Wait Virendra, you have to realize that we are all jeevathmas (humans) — not paramathmas (divine spirits). We make mistakes too and change our mind’.
DIAGNOSIS RESULT
Amaraambika – Ahmedabad
A five-year-old boy was rushed to a hospital by his parents. The boy had swallowed a gold ring. An emergency operation was done and the boy had to spend a week in hospital. When he was finally discharged, the parents met the chief surgeon and the father asked, ‘Doctor can you please give us the gold ring you got, we are leaving today’.
The surgeon seemed to have been taken by total surprise, ‘Ring! There was no ring in him’.
‘No doctor, we had seen him swallow it; even the clinic physician had confirmed it’.
‘But I had only removed a tumor from his stomach’, the doctor insisted.
By now all the neighbors and relatives of the parents gathered in support to corner the surgeon.
The surgeon patiently diagnosed the situation and spoke convincingly to his assistant, ‘Dr. Kothari, from what these people say, I think you are right. Excessive salicylic production had taken place, leading to abnormal acidity of pancreatic solution, resulting from severe hyper digestion, which must have dissolved the ring’.
THE PEACOCK PENDANT CHAIN
Blessy – Trivandrum
A royal poet had once recited a wonderful poem praising the king. The pleased king gave him the prized peacock pendant chain.
At night, the king told the queen, ‘You know the poet recited a wonderful poem praising my courage. I felt so elevated that I gave him my peacock pendant chain’.
‘What’, the queen was shocked, ‘You’ve given away the peacock pendant chain? My brother had been asking it for a very long time. I want you to get the chain back and give it to my brother’
‘How is it possible? How can I take back something I have gifted?’, the king pleaded.
The queen was reluctant. ‘I want you to get it back’, she insisted.
The confused king thought for a while and called the queen’s brother and said, ‘Tomorrow you come to the court hall and accuse the poet of cheating. Tell that you had written the poem’.
The queen’s brother happily agreed, ‘Fine’, but added, ‘I’ll do that, but I won’t return the peacock pendant chain, I’ve taken from him’.
THMT FORMAT
Charumathi – Mumbai
The district administration of a southern state once introduced a loan scheme. Large amount of money was lent to people against the pledge of gold. The scheme was highly criticized for misappropriation, over evaluation of gold and poor repayment record. It was virtually a take and run offer.
One man, who learnt about the scheme, went to an authorized assessor with his gold.
After evaluation of the gold, the assessor gave his opinion, ‘Sorry the gold doesn’t qualify for the loan. But if you want I can evaluate it in THMT format’.
‘THMT format?. Will it qualify then?’
‘Of course, surely’
The assessor soon certified that the gold jewels were eligible, and the man left. Only when he reached home did he make a stark discovery. One gold ring was missing.
Calling the assessor a thief, he wanted to pull him up. He however decided to consult his friend first and called him on phone. ‘He certified my jewels as being eligible but has stolen one ring’, he told his friend.
His friend spoke from the other end, ‘It’s not possible. No one would believe you’
‘But then where did my ring go?’, he convincingly asked his friend who stood by the assessor.
‘Did you ask for the THMT format?’, his friend enquired.
‘Ah yes, yes. I had agreed to it’
‘So that’s why he has taken it’, the friend reasoned.
‘What is this ridiculous THMT which allows him to steal my ring?’, the man screamed.
His friend tried to calm him down from the other end, ‘Well it’s something on the principles of ‘Take and Help Me Take’’
WEIGHT IN GOLD
Antony – Chennai
A wealthy sheikh had a deaf and dumb daughter of marriageable age. The sheikh offered half the girl’s weight in gold to anyone who married her, on the condition that the man never set his eyes on another woman again. It took several years before she was married off. The new husband was barred from having any official or personal relationship with any other woman.
After five years of married life, he was asked if he had any repentance.
‘Of course’ he said with a little worry, ‘I wish she had been a bit heavier’.
PROFESSIONAL SKILLS
Vineesh Balakrishnan – Alleppey
A young lady once hired a well jumper to retrieve her five sovereign gold chain from the well. She offered to give him thirty rupees for the job, but the professional jumper stuck to forty.
‘I paid only thirty rupees for the other guy today’, the lady said.
‘You mean you already hired someone today?’
‘Yes, but he came out without finding it’
‘Then it’s definitely not there in the well’
‘Come on, trust me, it slipped off my hands and fell into the well’
‘Maybe, but you see, we jumpers will never come out unless we find it’.
ALL FOR A LIE
Joseph Sabu – Chennai
In the high value theft cell of the central prison were two convicts who got to know each other for the first time.
‘Two years back I swashed a knife at the proprietor of S.K jewelers and almost escaped with the gold, when I tripped on a mat and was overpowered; and here I am serving a ten year sentence’, said one to the other.
‘Anyway I am not a criminal like you’, the other replied.
‘I see, then why the hell did they throw you here?’.
‘That’s just because I lied’.
‘I don’t believe you. Cops don’t put you here for lying’.
‘See I too went to a jewelry shop one day, and soon the proprietor noticed some of his jewels missing. He asked me if I had taken it and I said ‘No’’.
THE DUMB TRUTH
Ramesh – Cochin
A local police station once sought the help of an instructor of a deaf and dumb training institute. ‘Can you please come over here’, the police inspector asked him, ‘We have a deaf and dumb man who wants to tell us something’.
The instructor reached the police station, communicated in sign language with the man and told the police inspector, ‘He says he’s come here to return something he found’.
‘Ah yes’, the police inspector replied, ‘He’s given us some gold jewels’.
The instructor blinked for a moment and again started his sign language. The sign communication went on for about twenty minutes and finally the instructor heaved a sigh of relief. The deaf and dumb man then removed his watch and gave it to the police inspector.
Wiping his sweat off, the instructor told the police, ‘This guy says he only found this watch and not the gold. So he asks you to keep the watch and return his gold’.
ROYAL IRE
Sawant – Trichy
A king once set out to conquer a neighboring kingdom and was camping in the forests, while his soldiers attacked the fort.
In the evening a messenger reached the king with a happy news, ‘Your majesty our forces have opened the south gate of the fort’.
The king jumped in joy and gave the messenger a gold chain, ‘It’s a great news, here take this’
Two more soldiers came in succession with the news that the east and west gates were opened. The happy king gave a gold chain to each of them.
At last came the messenger with the ultimate news that the north gate had been opened. He met the other messengers and told them ‘I am taking the biggest news to the king. Let’s see what the king gives me’.
He went to the king and said, ‘Your majesty, we have opened the north gate too and the fort is ours now’.
The ecstatic king was at a loss for words, ‘I’ve been waiting for this’, he managed to say. He reached for a gold chain and shockingly realized he had given all. He was beginning to get embarrassed, when he cried out, ‘It’s obvious when three gates are open, the fourth would be opened from within. I wonder who sent you here’.
TELL ME PLEASE
Jacob David – Bangalore
A young man who had just landed in Trivandrum by a Sharjah – Trivandrum flight dashed to the customs office and tipped the officers there, ‘There is an elderly man with a plastered right leg who looks suspicious. Maybe you can check him out’.
Sure enough, the elderly man was frisked and his plaster undone. The officers rushed back to the informer, ‘You were right, he was trying to smuggle gold; and thanks a lot for the information, but what made you suspect him?’
The informer happily replied, ‘Well, a few minutes before touchdown, he asked me — Son, if you ever had an injured right leg and had been given a single crutch to support yourself; which hand would you support the crutch with; left or right?’.
THE PERFECT PLACE
Sarah David – Bangalore
Two men were occupying adjacent seats on an international flight. Three hours into flying, not a single word or pleasantry was exchanged between them. It was time for the airhostess to serve champagne. She gave a glass each to these men. It was evident that they were first timers to this kind of relaxing. One glass led to several glasses and both men suddenly became thick and started chatting endlessly.
One told the other, ‘Listen I am carrying gold with me, well tucked and concealed. Can you guess where?’
‘No way’, the other shot back immediately, ‘I’ve been guessing that for four days’.
STUMBLING SON
Vineesh Balakrishnan – Alleppey
A young man was walking down a main road when he saw a dead old man surrounded by a curious on-looking crowd. The dead man having a lot of gold on him, he decided to claim the dead body.
‘Oh my dear father, how did this happen?, I didn’t know you’d leave us suddenly’, he wept.
One among the on-lookers seemed moved by the happenings; ‘This is called the grace of God’, he said, ‘A man lies dead for half an hour like an orphan and then unexpectedly his son stumbles upon him to take care of his dead father. And now his younger son too has found him in the same manner’.
LIFE CHANGING SECRET
Bala Kumaran – Bangalore
A metallurgy research student at the Indian Institute of Metals made headlines when he succeeded in laboratory development of temporary gold. The developed gold had a retention time of five minutes during which time it had all the appearance and properties of gold.
He came to his shabby house and told his drunken father, ‘Dad believe me, I’ll soon develop permanent gold and change this world’.
His father took a big gulp of his whisky and advised ‘Forget the world son; just see if you can increase that retention time to thirty minutes. That would be sufficient to change our lives’.
TEST OF COURAGE
Kishore – Ooty
An airhostess on a mid-air Singapore – New Delhi Flight IC 895 noticed a package in one of the flights toilets.
An emergency announcement was made. ‘We suspect a bomb of board. Please don’t panic. We are proceeding to Chennai, after which we shall be cleared to Delhi’
The flight landed in Chennai and the passengers were led to the airport lounge.
After a tense hour, a happy announcement finally came, ‘Attention passengers of the Singapore New Delhi flight – We would like to inform you that, there were no bombs or explosives on board. It was only an aborted attempt to smuggle gold. We thank all passengers for their patience and cooperation extended during the flight. However we would like to meet the courageous passenger who volunteered to open the pack, mid-air’
SURPRISE GIFT
Jacob David – Bangalore
A man entered a jewelry shop and demanded, ‘Show me the cheapest gold chain you have. It’s a surprise gift for my wife’.
The salesman in the showroom tried to be helpful, ‘But if it’s going to be a surprise gift, shouldn’t you go in for an expensive one?’
‘Well, it’s a surprise of the other kind’ he told the salesman, ‘Only yesterday evening did she surprise me by demanding this’.
OLD IS GOLD
Ravindran Nair – Chennai
A well-to-do old farmer had two daughters aged 35 and 18. He wanted to get them married and so released a matrimonial advertisement – ‘Wanted bridegroom for two sisters aged 35 and 18 – Half a bag of gold would be given’
A few days later, a young man came to his house to seek a bride.
‘The older one is gone, you can take the younger one if you want’, the farmer told him.
‘How much of gold will I get?’ the prospective bridegroom enquired.
‘Absolutely nothing’, the famer replied, ‘Gold was only for the older one. Have you ever heard anyone say, young is gold?’
WEIGHTY ADVICE
Rajesh Kumar – Bangalore
After the written tests and physical ability tests, it was the final medical tests for the state police selection. One aspirant who was till then on the top of the list got the shock of his life when he was categorized as ‘Overweight’.
He removed his shoes, jeans and tried again, but the examiner still called him ‘Overweight’
Dejected he cried out, when the hospital attender consoled him and suggested something.
Having agreed he was weighed again and the examiner didn’t look at the scale to say ‘Absolutely perfect’
He came out, met the attender and said, ‘You were right, it was my gold chain and gold ring that was heavy. I had parted with that’.
BACKGROUND CHECK
Sindhu – Chennai
A pawnbroker at the Chennai Central market area got suspicious when a particular man pawned a gold chain each for three consecutive days. He decided to check up on the man and so went to the address given in the pawn slip. He knocked at the door and a woman showed up.
‘Is this the place where Mr. Shiv Prasad stays?’
‘Yes and I am his wife. May I know where you are from?’.
The pawnbroker tried to play safe, for he knew he shouldn’t be out there investigating a good customer. ‘Well I am an old friend of his’ he said, ‘Just wanted to meet him. Nothing important’.
‘An old friend?’ his wife screamed emphatically, ‘Got you. So you are the one to whom he had given all my jewels for safe keeping and had been reportedly absconding for a month?’.
EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR
Freddy Almeida – Goa
There was a married man Mark, who indulged in extramarital activity. He bought a gold ring for his new love and showed it to his friend Joseph, who also happened to be married.
Joseph who initially disapproved these, soon fell in line. He told Mark, ‘Mark, I understand your need. We men need a change occasionally’, he said, ‘Tell me where did you get that ring from?. Its lightweight, looks big and elegant and costs less too’
‘It’s from the Spencer’s Gallery’, he told Joseph.
Joseph rushed to the Spencer’s and enquired for the ring. He was shown several rings, but not the one he wanted, although he tried his best to describe it.
Finally he rang up Mark for help and an impatient Mark cried out, ‘Come on Joe, just ask for the stepney ring’
JUST RELAX
Blessy – Trivandrum
A young businessman met with a road accident and was grievously injured. He was immediately rushed to a hospital operated for head injuries. After a five hour operation, he was brought unconscious to a ward.
The nurse warned the patient’s relatives, ‘The surgeon says his brain has been affected. So when he wakes up and talks anything, you all need to be careful. Don’t discuss or argue with him, or ask him for any details. Just ignore him and coax him to rest’.
The next day the man regained his consciousness. He smiled at everyone and signaled for water. As he drank water, he noticed his fingers and screamed, ‘My rings! Hey all my three rings are missing’
DRUNKARD’S SIGHT
Antony – Chennai
It was quite common for Sam and Robert to get together for drinks at Sam’s place. On one such occasion, the drinks seemed endless and both looked saggy.
Seizing the opportunity, Sam’s teenage son went to Robert and on the pretext of helping him, pulled off his gold ring.
The last drink being over, the men staggered out, when Sam noticed his son examining the ring, ‘Johnny, whose ring is that?’, he asked.
Taken by total surprise, Johnny murmured, ‘It’s yours dad, I found it down’
‘Mine; mine is here…look’, Sam said showing his ring.
Johnny was beginning to get nervous when Robert spoke, ‘Forget it Johnny, a little whisky above his limits, and your father begins to see two’.
STEALING TRICKS
Antony – Chennai
A chicken stall help hand once happened to watch Sherlock Holmes’ Blue Carbuncle’ on cable television. He soon made up a plan to steal his employer Joe’s gold ring, stuff it up a hen’s throat and bring the fowl home.
But he soon discovered a problem — how to identify the particular fowl after the ring is pushed, given the fact that all looked identical.
The next day he tried to act smart by asking Joe, ‘Hi Joe, there is so much of fowl here, all alike. Would it be possible to identify anyone in particular?’
‘Of course just pull out two tail feathers from the top and one from the bottom, and you have a totally new breed’, Joe replied.
‘Thank you, thank you very much’, the smart help hand said slyly.
‘Those were great days’, Joe spoke thoughtfully; ‘We used to take our fowl to the jewelry shop, and use it for stealing gold. Since then many have learnt these tricks and tactics and have used this idea to their advantage; and one of these clever chaps is that detective Sherlock Holmes’.
MAGICAL PEAK
Kavitha – Calicut
A wealthy old man living alone decided to prepare deeds for transfer of all his property. He had a young personal assistant who told his friend, ‘The old duck has given away all his lands to the orphanage, his house to his long time manager and has promised me his gold ornaments’
His friend advised him, ‘Get the deed done before he changes his mind or he even forgets it’
The young assistant soon realized that the old man wasn’t too willing to sign the deed. ‘He seems to get irritated whenever I raise the topic and so I’ve decided not to trouble him anymore’, he told his friend.
His friend agreed with him, ‘You’re right, don’t press him. I suggest you take him to a hill station for relaxing’.
A week later the assistant happily called up his friend, ‘It’s happened, he has signed the deed. I took him to an isolated peak as you said and showed him the beauty beneath. He suddenly said that he wished I had the deed papers for the ornaments. Thanks to your advice, I had carried it with me’
PLEASING THE LORD
Ritheesh Kumar – Coimbatore
Two disciples of Lord Shiva once meditated on him for a year. The happy lord appeared before them and showered gold coins on them. One of them quickly began to collect the coins while the other stood with folded hands, thanking the lord for the mercy shown. The lord was pleased by the gesture of this man.
Very soon the man who had been collecting the gold coins, prayed to invoke the lord again. The lord appeared before him, a bit angry. ‘So you have collected all the gold coins and want to thank me now?. Isn’t it?’
‘No my lord’, the man said humbly, ‘Just wanted to tell you that the man who was thanking you before, has run away with all the gold I collected’
HELPFUL INVESTIGATIONS
Bala Kumaran – Bangalore
There was a theft of gold ornaments in an Electricity Board chief engineer’s house and the police arrived to investigate the incident. Fingerprints were taken and the policemen were making enquiries.
From the store room, the police inspector screamed, ‘Did you have any bracelet with a hook, and a chain with a stone set dollar?’.
‘Ah yes sir’, the engineer’s wife replied from the adjacent room, ‘Thank God at least these are safe’.
‘Ah well…well…’, the inspector responded, ‘I hope it isn’t missing too, but don’t lose heart. We’ll trace that too. I’ve already included it in the missing list’
SECRET OF HEROISM
Shanthi Ravindran – Bhopal
The twenty fifth regiment of the southern command was once moved to Punjab on a special assignment. Upon arrival, the soldiers were sent on a 15 km jog; they all returned huffing and puffing. It was well over three hours when the last of them came, full drenched and covered with mud.
‘Chunky’, everyone was anxious, ‘What happened, what’s wrong; Are you alright?’
‘Don’t worry I am okay’, a drenched Chunky told them all, ‘A kid was drowning in the lake and I had to pull him out and thrash him’
The next day, the soldiers were again jogging in the same route, and when they reached the lake, they took a break.
One of them noticed a gold chain lying over a submerged weed and dived screaming, ‘I’ve found a gold chain’
A few more were also preparing to dive when Chunky rushed in yelling, ‘Hey wait, it’s only a bloody gilt thread, basking in the sun; and mind you, there is two foot slush all around it’
EXPERIENCE SPEAKS
Sarah David – Bangalore
The eldest son of a retired metropolitan bus driver once applied for the same job and a week later got a rejection letter. The experienced father called his son and asked him to recount his interview.
‘They just asked me some general questions and I answered them all dad’, the son told his father
‘Did they ask you or tell you something out of the subject area; just think’
‘Nothing dad, but one of them did comment on my gold ring saying it was nice and I said thank you’.
‘That’s it, that’s your mistake, now do as I tell you’, the experienced father said.
The next day the son went to the recruitment office, met the man who commented on the gold ring and said, ‘Thank you sir for selecting me, please accept this gold ring as a small gift. But you have wrongly sent me my appointment order’.
The recruitment officer took the ring and the rejection letter, glancing through it smiled and replied, ‘Ah yes, it’s a tying mistake. The words ‘sorry’ and ‘rejected’ should have actually been happy and selected’.
THE MASTER STRATEGY
Karthikeyan – Bhopal
On a crowded market day, a chain snatcher was caught red handed and thrashed in public. When the crowd had dispersed, a young man helped him to get on his feet, bought him some refreshments and consoled him; ‘Chain snatching like this is a very risky job. You will end up in problems like this. See I am a chain snatcher too, but my technique is totally different. I know I’ll never be caught’.
‘Come on, how else can you snatch a chain from a person?’
‘Alright come with me’, the Good Samaritan said and took him to an isolated road where he took a banana from his bag and shared it. He threw the banana skin on the road and said, ‘Anyone on a two wheeler passing this way would skid and fall down. We only got to help them up and while helping them, pull off their gold chain and they will never know’.
Two hours had passed, but nothing happened.
The conventional thief and guest ran out of patience and said, ‘This is ridiculous’
‘Is it?’, the master of the new technique spelt out his strategy, ‘You may call this a cheat or a crime, but you must have patience and faith to succeed in this. I’ve been in this for only four months and there have already been five near misses’.
THE HIDDEN VALUE
Siddharth – New Delhi
Two thieves broke into the Italian fashion jewelry exhibition hall in Mumbai and successfully lifted a good amount of gold jewelry. To escape the attention of the police, they came to a remote village in the south with the booty. The darkness of the night and the heavy rains compounded to their problems, when one of them dropped the jewel bag. The fabric gave way and the jewels got embedded in wet clay. The two however managed to retrieve all the jewels, which were by now fully covered by clay; and reached home.
Unfortunately for them, the next day police swooped on a house-to-house search, looking for arms and ammunitions, based on an intelligence report.
The clay clad jewels was spotted and taken away, and the two were asked to report to the police station when called.
However three days passed and there was no news from the police and the emboldened thieves rang up the police station and demanded their jewels.
‘Your jewels?’, the inspector replied, ‘Its state property from now on. The department of archeology is working on it’.
HUMANE ADMINISTRATION
Ashraf – Hyderabad
During a massive youth demonstration, police opened fire which led to a stampede leaving several dead or injured. The dead were brought to the municipality office from where the relatives claimed the bodies.
A farmer who had lost his son decided to check with his neighbor, who had just claimed two dead bodies of his relatives.
‘Sure’ his neighbor assured him, ‘They are polite and have a sophisticated system where the dead bodies are separated into A and B depending on the jewelry they wore. If the dead had a lot of jewelry, then it is categorized as A, and the staff apologizes for the tragedy and would sent the body immediately to the required address. If the dead wore only one ornament then it is B where the staff apologizes and hands you the dead body. But mind you, they won’t give you any of the jewelry back’.
Confident the farmer walked into the municipality office and demanded his son’s dead body.
‘Please tell us about the gold he had on him’, the person in charge asked him.
‘He didn’t have any gold on him’
‘Fine go to counter C then’
On reaching the counter, the man on duty yelled at him, ‘We missed picking him up, he should probably be rotting on the streets down there’.
THE HUMANE SOUL
Nisha – Trichy
Two senior executives of an international wild life protection organization were in Delhi on a private sightseeing tour. They were assigned a zoo worker to assist them during the tour. While touring an old palace they happened to see a young women bedecked in gold from head to toe. Her gold bangles and gold anklets jingled with each step.
The visitors were amazed by the sight and sound they were treated to, which made one remark, ‘I wish we had a camcorder, we could have had a fine shot’.
The zoo assistant, who heard this, thought for a while and remarked impatiently, ‘Wrong sahib; no shooting, no killing – tranquilizer enough’.
BETTER THAN KILLING
Joseph Kuruvilla – Calicut
A rustic who happened to be in city, went to a bar one night to have the best time of his life. Having had a few drinks he prepared to leave when someone he didn’t know, called him.
‘Why don’t you join me for a couple of drinks’, the stranger asked the rustic.
‘Thank you, but I’ve already had to my limits; moreover I’ve also spent my last penny’.
‘Forget money, just be my guest tonight’.
The rustic agreed and the stranger ordered drinks. After gulping a drink, the rustic spelt out his apprehensions. ‘I heard that the city is a dangerous place during nights; and it seems they even kill you for your gold. I’m much scared for all the gold I’ve got on me’.
‘That’s true’ replied the stranger host ‘There are some heartless people who take to ruthless killings when only a couple of additional drinks could do the job’.
RESEARCH WORK
Kishore – Ooty
A research scholar from the Psychology Department of Chennai University once went to a remote village to study, ‘The influence of gold on rural women’.
He befriended a rustic who agreed to help him in every way, only if he was treated to a few drinks. As the rustic was gulping down the liquor, the scholar briefed him about his plans. They reached his hut and the rustic called his wife and told her, ‘Darling I’m happy and drunk now, you know why — because I’m getting you a gold ring and a gold bangle tomorrow’.
The wife suddenly got curious and speculative, ‘How is it possible and who is this gentleman?’
‘Well my employers have made a huge profit and they are gifting this, and this is our company manager’.
The rustic’s wife screamed in joy, spoke happily, cooked special dishes for them, while the scholar hurriedly scribbled on his note pad and whispered to the rustic, ‘I now understand what the promise of gold means to a rural woman’.
Two days later, the rustic’s wife broke into the scholar’s room, threw his table lamp, tore his papers, poured coffee over his head and left. The rustic soon dashed in. ‘I’m sorry, very sorry, please forgive me’.
‘Doesn’t matter’, the scholar told the rustic, ‘I now understand what it means to a rural woman, when a promise of gold is not kept’.
POLITICAL DECISION
Bala Kumaran – Bangalore
A newly formed state party on the lines of caste, ‘New Freedom’, succeeded in winning about ten seats in the elections to the legislature. All the ten elected members were very influential but illiterate men. Since the ruling party didn’t have sufficient number of members to take and implement decisions, it had to depend on this New Freedom party to endorse and support its decisions.
It so happened that the government was once starved of cash and was forced to pledge gold.
The ruling party ministers called on the leader of the New Freedom party and asked him to extend support to the government plan to pledge gold.
The New Freedom party leader made it clear, that his party would consider the proposal only in the interests of the people. It sought two days time to convey its decision.
The New Freedom party members were soon in for a brain storming session, and after a long debate took a decision.
The ruling members visited the New Freedom party leader to know of their decision.
‘We have decided to support your plans, but on one condition’, he told them, ‘When it comes to loading and unloading, it would only be our men’
THE GREAT DISCOVERY
Siddharth – New Delhi
Mr. and Mrs. Chaudhary were hosting a party for all their employees in connection with the marriage of their daughter. The entire lawn was decorated and the atmosphere was high with lights and music. The employees too were enjoying themselves when a lady, who happened to be Chaudhary’s manager screamed, ‘My gold necklace is missing’.
The music stopped and everyone became silent. After two minutes, Mr. Chaudhary’s voice was heard, ‘If anyone has taken it, please give it back. I am calling a search team’.
Everyone stood still, staring at each other and wondering what would happen next.
‘Please hold on for few more minutes; the search team is arriving now’, Chaudhary again said.
It was again still for sometime, when a young man pointed to something very close to him and said, ‘Hey what’s this. I’ve been watching it for quite sometime and it’s been glittering a lot’.
VICTIM IN WAIT
Narayana Kurup – Trivandrum
A burglar once broke into a locked house and decamped with fifteen sovereigns of gold jewels. Happy with a relatively easy job, he took it to a jeweler, the next day to sell it.
The jeweler received the jewels, examined them and screamed ‘Run off from here, before I call the police; trying to sell fake jewels?’
The shocked burglar dashed off immediately to the house he stole from. There were policemen all over, picking up his finger and foot prints.
Fighting fear and uncertainty, he walked closer to the house and merged into the crowd there.
The stunned thief saw his victim sobbing and people all over consoling him. Wiping his tears off, the victim was signing the insurance claim papers, ‘I’ve been having it for ten years. Just imagine, ten long years’
TIMELY DECISION
Ramesh – Cochin
One night two thieves struck at a house and made good with a good amount of jewelry. However a little while later, they saw a police patrol car parked close by. Sensing trouble they hid the booty in a garbage drum, and kept loitering around.
When they finally saw the police car leave, they rushed to the drum to take back their booty. To their utter shock and disbelief, they realized it was gone.
They searched all around and finally decided to leave. The thieves then discussed who could have taken it.
‘We’ll check up on the garbage picker tomorrow’, one of them suggested.
The next day they stood before the garbage picker’s tent and rudely asked him if he had collected anything from that drum.
‘No I didn’t’, the garbage picker yelled out.
‘You are the only garbage picker in this area. We know you got it with you. You’re putting yourself into trouble. Hand it over immediately’, one of them said.
The garbage man put up a very defiant show and the fight soon began to get public attention.
The thieves were soon on the defensive and decided to leave, when the garbage picker shouted at them, ‘Listen, I’ve been in this dirty profession for more than eight years. So sick and tired of it, I suddenly decided yesterday to quit and today I’m convinced; I’ve taken the right decision’.
THE ELUSIVE REASON
Sawant – Trichy
A South African gold miner once accumulated so much wealth that one day he decided to thank some of his former employees whom he thought were instrumental to building his wealth. He identified ten such people who had retired and settled all around the globe.
He wrote to each one of them, ‘I am sending you $10,000, bring your family to Welkom. Stay and enjoy for a week’.
As soon as the former employees landed, the manager there told them that they were entitled to free shopping for $5000. He gave a card to each and told them, ‘Buy whatever you want within this limit and just show this card, wherever you buy’.
One old man from Burma who had brought his young son along, took the card and read it, ‘Grootvlei Joseph, Dumang Gold Mines, East Johannesburg’.
Excited by the free shopping offer, the man was so happy that he became very sentimental and tore the card. His son watched him in disbelief when he assured him, ‘I’ve worked forty years for Grootvlei, I don’t need a card to remember his name or address’.
The father and son quickly headed off for their shopping. First they bought expensive coats, suits and dresses for their family. When it was time to pay bill, the old man screamed, ‘This is Aung San from Burma, Grootvlei Joseph would pay for this’. The shop called the gold mine office and the transaction was done.
‘That was simply great dad’, the young son told his father.
‘A gold mine worker must always shop for gold’ he told his son as they entered a jewelry shop. After buying expensive jewelry, he told the shop, ‘Aung San from Burma for Grootvlei’. In two minutes his bills were settled and he left the shop.
‘Dad, you’re simply amazing’, the son praised.
They kept walking, when they saw an expensive bar. The son wanted to have a drink and the father said he too would join him. They went inside with all their bags and drank for a couple of hours. When they finally called it a day, the father danced and screamed as he waited for the bill. The son said he would wait outside.
The son kept waiting but the father didn’t turn up for quite sometime. The anxious son was about to check up, when a bar assistant rushed onto him, ‘Is he your dad?’
‘Why yes’
‘He isn’t paying up’
‘But he has reasons for it’, the son justified.
‘Yes, that’s what he says too. But he seems to have forgotten it’
